The Writing Show Contest Update 2

Last night I was out rather late, but I did put in another hour or so and go the potential story length up to four and a half pages.

The opening seems to be way too long before finding a hook...I'm hoping that as I add more material to it there will emerge a better "entry point", and I'll just trim off the material that rambles before it.

I think my "hooking" skills need polishing.

Um...maybe that's not the right way to phrase the sentiment...