The Writing Show Contest Update 6

My wife had a few edits that she wrote in and gave to me last night; today I made a couple changes and re-printed the story for her to look at again. She said this time she's going to help with trimming things and look at the second half for grammar mistakes.

I'm hoping to have something to turn in soon. The ending was a bit cliche, she said, and I agreed. Mainly because I had other things in mind and found out that the things I had in mind would go way over the 5000 word limit so I ended up putting in a cheap ending that feels rushed.

But like I said...I was aiming at trying to enter, not necessarily expecting to win.